1) On Cleaning
Mom: Why are you vacuuming?
Me: The cobwebs finally got to me.
Mom: I know you won’t believe me but I just cleaned this up last week.
Me: Then why is it full of spiderwebs?
Mom: Because they build their webs fast!
Me: WHY IS YOUR HOUSE FULL OF SPIDERS?
2) She Only Wants To Talk About Her Special Little Guy’s Blog
Me, watching Olympic Women’s Rugby: There’s a Kenyan rugby player named Philadelphia Orlando! That is maybe the best combination of names–
Mom: Speaking of that, why is your brother posting on his blog about Orlando Bloom’s penis?
3) Boltons Don’t Know What Friends Are
Mom: There’s this woman. I GUESS she’s my friend. We talk a few times a month and go for coffee and she tells me all her problems.